Confessions of a Jedi Master
by Myno
Summary: A series of One-shots based on Kit Fisto and his ex-padawans experience with each other before the clone wars. Some times it will be funny and sometimes it will be sad, you were warned. Rated T just to be safe.
1. Chapter 1

**Hello all!!! Thanks for clicking on my story! This was actually a writing prompt from Mirnava, a great writer on this site, check them out.**

 **Enjoy!!! :)**

 ** _-000-_**

I remember the first time I met Nahdar.

He was one of the oldest younglings at the time and quite adept at wielding his lightsaber. In a room full of humans, he was the only amphibious being the group. The class, directed by Master Yoda, was learning to use the force to deflect laser fire. Each youngling was blindfolded and followed by a Remote that would periodically fire a low intensity laser at them.

I watched one of them get struck with lasers by the Remote so relentlessly, I briefly wondered if the Remote had enough of a consciousness to enjoy the pain it was inflicting. When I looked over at Nahdar, my doubts were quickly thrown aside. He hadn't let a single bolt past him. In his every swing of the blade, I could feel how focused he had trained himself to be. He had such control and grace, I could only watch in awe.

Though he was one of the more talented in the class, I could see he was overexerting himself. His body, used to being in a much more moist environment than the one he was in, was too dry. With his skin always dried out, he would barely manage as a padawan, and as a knight? Forget about it.

I wanted to intervene, if only to relieve the boy of some suffering, but I knew babying him at this point would be counterproductive to his education. Master Yoda wasn't as merciless as I, though. Once he saw how much Nahdar was struggling, he called for a break.

I had come to see some of the future Jedi, only to see how they were faring. The first padawan I had became a knight and I was eager to guide another in the ways of the force. When Master Yoda allowed me to speak with some of the students during their break, I chose to sit next to Nahdar.

When I sat next to him, he jumped and fell out of his seat, surprised that a master had chosen him to sit next to. "H-hello Master Jedi!" He said picking himself up off the floor.

I smiled at the young Mon Calamari. "Hello young one, what is your name?" I said as I sat down.

"Nahdar Vebb!" he proclaimed, standing rigidly in front of me as if I were a General and he was a soldier in my army.

"It's nice to meet you Nahdar, my name is Kit Fisto." I gestured to the seat next to me, willing him to sit. "I wanted to tell you that you did well today practicing with the Remotes."

He looks away, shamed but he reluctantly sits next to me. "I can't always do my best because I get so dried-out during class sometimes."

I laugh at the trip he's taking me down memory lane. "Yes, I remember going through the same situation you are going through now."

He gets a confused look on his face, almost like he smelled something horrid. "What do you mean?" His said not understanding how he could be compared to a Jedi Knight.

"My species, like yours, is amphibious. I too at times felt dried out and couldn't give my best in what I was doing." I stroke my green tentacles hanging over one of my shoulders, reminded of how brittle they used to feel after a class with Master Yoda.

"But now you're a knight," Nahdar exclaims confused. "What did you do to overcome it? Tell me so that I can be a Knight like you one day!" He seems so determined to become a Jedi, it's wonderful to see such vigor in our youth.

I put my hand on his shoulder. "You must use the force not just to know what's going on around you, but what is going on inside you too." I point to his chest with my other hand. "You can't expect to be able to face the world outside if you can't understand what's going on inside yourself."

He looks giddy with excitement. "Is that really all I need to do?"

"Yes," then I lean closer as if I'm telling him a secret. "And also keeping your room moist at night helps."

I don't know why, but this makes Nahdar laugh hysterically. Everyone turns to look at us wondering why Nahdar is laughing so. I'm searching for an answer too but I never find one. All I find is that his laughter is contagious and that I'm soon laughing along with him.We get all kinds of strange looks as there seems to be nothing to laugh at but we are undeterred in our hysteria.

When our laughter dies down, Master Yoda calls all the younglings back to finish class. Nahdar jumps up and runs to his call but not before turning to me and waving goodbye. I wave goodbye to him and wish him the best.

Years later, after Nahdar had been my padawan for some time, I asked him if he remembered that first time we met. He smiled and nodded so I asked him what exactly made him laugh so hard.

Barely able to keep a straight face he said that when I leaned in to tell him to keep his room moist at night, I had some lettuce stuck between my two front teeth.

 ** _-000-_**

 **There's the first chapter, hope you guys enjoyed it the next one will be up soon and it will probably be a little darker so beware!!**

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	2. Chapter 2

**Heyyyyyy! It's me! That super late dude that always takes forever to post things! I won't bore you with detail but let's just say I had a long arduous journey getting here!**

 **Enjoy!!! :)**

 ** _-000-_**

I stepped out of the Council's room feeling the weight of what they'd asked me to do burden my shoulders. At this point, I had taken the youngling Nahdar under my wing after he became a padawan and had begun teaching him the way of the force beyond the few things he had learned with Master Yoda.

He has progressed extremely well in the previous few years, mastering an entire Saber form I wasn't aware the order still put into practice and learning some rather advanced healing techniques. He'd even used these skills on a recent mission we were assigned and there is not a doubt in my mind that the mission would have been a failure without Nahdar's precious skill.

He still has a great many things that he must learn from me, such as choosing the safest course of action and not letting his emotions get the better of him. I even feared he would become prideful, considering all he was accomplishing, who wouldn't?

Despite my lack of focus on training him to keep his emotions in check, he never once had a problem with it. Never before had I seen a Padawan exercise so much self control and humility. Nahdar Vebb would one day be a truly skilled and experienced Jedi Knight and maybe even Master one day.

I am snatched from my thoughts by the ding of the transport waiting to take me to the lower floors where I will meet with my Padawan for what could be the last time. I step inside the transport and push the button for the 176th floor.

After I do, another green hand presses the button for the level a few floors below it. It startles me as realize the hand is connected to a body and a face. A face that belongs to Luminara Unduli.

"M-master Jedi!" I exclaim, surprised to see another Jedi in the transport with me. I step away noticing how close we are, almost touching. "My apologies, my focus was elsewhere and I was startled by your sudden presence."

She turns slowly to me with the most plain expression I've ever seen on her face and her hands plainly at her sides. "It's quite alright Master Fisto." She said and then turned back to staring at the door. "What were you thinking about so intently that you were oblivious to my presence?" She asked without looking at me.

I look away and start to fiddle with imaginary dirt on the floor with my boot, reminded of the pain in my gut. "It's a long story, I don't think we'll have time for it." I say as I rub the back of my head looking back at her guiltily.

Just then the transport jolts and we both lose our a balance for a moment. We both regain it quickly as years of practice and being thrown into difficult situations come back to us. The lights go dim and there's a small screech of metal moving against metal.

"Jedi Masters! Are you alright?" a clone voice comes through the speakers in the transport. I assess our situation. We are both still on our feet and unharmed as far as I can tell. Luminara isn't clutching any one part of her body so I assume she's okay.

She catches me eyeing her body and raises one eyebrow. I turn away quickly even though I'm not guilty of "checking her out" or anything.

Not that I would be able to see much with her baggy clothing anyway.

"Master Jedi! If you can hear me, please respond!" the clone repeats.

"We're fine," Master Unduli yells back monotonously. I was still too concerned with making sure she knew I wasn't being perverted or anything to remember him.

"What happened to the transport?" I ask, my senses snapping back.

There's a short pause before the technician returns. "We aren't quite sure of the cause just Master Jedi, don't worry though. We'll have this settled in just a moment."

"Godspeed then." Master Unduli says in a monotone. "This will delay our arrival on Genosis, but now we have some time for your 'long story'." She says to me much quieter.

I breathe a sigh of resignation. I have always respected Master Unduli as a fellow Jedi and as a friend. There was a time we let our youthful feelings be known to one another, but that didn't last long. During that time though, we became confidantes for one another, able to share our deepest, darkest secrets with one another. Looking at her now, I can see that the confidante I once had is still there beneath the layers and layers of Jedi teachings.

"My padawan, Nahdar Vebb has been training with me for quite some time now as I'm sure you're aware. He has been doing well under my tutelage but I fear how he will do without. I don't wish to die and I don't fear it, but I fear leaving my dear Padawan learner on his own. Though he has progressed tremendously, he isn't ready for our departure quite yet."

Master Unduli doesn't say anything. She doesn't move, doesn't breathe, but then she does. "Master Kenobi and young Skywalker are in dire need of our assistance. If it pains you this much to leave your student, you must recognize that you are creating an attachment to him." She sounds irate, almost like I'm a youngling to be scolded.

Her words shock me, but they ring true. The only way this could effect me to this point is if I am close to breaking one of the laws of the Order: no attachments.

"At one point, I didn't believe that attachment was the way to the dark side, but then I formed one with someone who held the same beliefs as I. Then I had begun to see how it affected me. I had no choice but to cut it away."

Her words give me pause. Who had she formed an attachment with? Could she be talking about me?

Her voice holds no emotion, but when I look over at her face, it conveys all the emotion her voice is lacking. Even when we were close, I had never seen such sadness, such desperation in her eyes. As quickly as it appeared though, she stuffed it back under. So far that I couldn't reach it with the force even if I tried.

"I'm sure that you will make the right choice Master Jedi, I would hate to see a friend cast out of the Order for something he could have easily beaten as he did once long ago."

Now I know for sure that she was talking about her attachment to me. Before I can utter a response, before I can tell her that I never let my feelings go, the clone that is operating the transport chimes in.

"There we are! The transport has been be fixed, you should be moving momentarily Master Jedi." And he is right, almost as soon as he finishes talking, the transport plummets quickly and with it the pain in my stomach.

 ** _-000-_**

"Master, must you leave me?"

I look down at Nahdar's big yellow eyes. The face he makes reminds me of when he was younger, when I would teach him something he didn't understand. He would make the same expression he is now, confused but now there's something added to the confusion. Disappointment?

"Regrettably, I must young one. I only came to inform you of my departure." It really rips a hole in my heart, knowing that he may half to start over with a new Master if I don't return.

I can't just leave him, there must be something I can give him! Something to ease his mind.

He bows and starts to leave but I call out to him. "Nahdar!"

He looks up with the sadness that I saw in Master Unduli eyes. I almost can't bear to look at it.

"Do not forget, space and time may separate us, but the force penetrates all things. Physically, you may feel alone, but the force will always flow through you. It will always flow through me. Our paths will cross again, of this I am certain." I say it with a determination I almost forgot I possessed.

I wasn't sure if Nahdar actually believed me or not that day, but it didn't matter. He would never forget those words as he later told me when our paths did cross again. He also told me that he knew I was full of it.

 ** _-000-_**

 **So there you go, I told this would be a bit more depressing. Still, it was long overdue, I'll try to make sure the next chapter won't take as long.**

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	3. Chapter 3

**Hello all!!! Yes, this will be the last chapter of Confessions of a Jedi Master :( but I will still be posting stuff for other stories so if anyone is interested you can check out my profile!** **This takes place at the end of the episode _Lair of Grevious!_**

 **Enjoy!!! :)**

 ** _-000-_**

"What about your former padawan?" Master Windu asked me after I told him all that transpired in the lair of General Grievous.

My shoulders slumped and I took a deep breath before answering. "His heart was in the right place, but he tried to answer grievous' power with his own."

Master Yoda spoke up at this time, his voice old and worn, but still alive and still imparting wisdom. "To answer power with power, the Jedi way this is not. In this war, a danger there is in losing who we are."

I nod solemnly but in agreement with Master Yoda. He speaks the truth and Nahdar is, _was_ the living proof of that. As a youngling, he was determined to become a healer to help all sorts of people. The carnage I saw him unleash on those battle droids in Grievous lair, that was a completely different person. I can't help but wonder if there was something more I could have done to prevent him from taking this path.

Master Yoda must sense my frustrations. "Still trouble you, something does?"

I hesitate at first. "Masters, nearing the end of Nahdar's training, the beginning of the Clone Wars, I left his side to be on the frontlines of the war."

Master Windu nods in understanding. "Yes, we remember. So many Jedi left Coruscant," He looks downward. "Most to never return."

He no doubt remembers the horrors of this war.

"At that time, many pawadans, left behind there were." Master Yoda comprehends.

I remember Nahdar's face when I informed him I would be leaving. He kept a stoic face but I felt his true emotions through the force, he was sad to see me go. He enjoyed my company just as much I enjoyed his and thought that he would feel lost without me.

I remember smiling and reminding him that we would meet again through the force one day. He smiled back honestly.

"Yes, the thought crossed my mind that had I stayed here, during those troubling times, I would have been able to finish Nahdar's training properly and help him to not be ruled so by emotion. Was my decision to leave the correct one in the end?"

The Masters didn't respond quickly to my question. They both seemed equally troubled by the gravity of my query.

"As Jedi," Master Windu began. "We are not soldiers, we are peacekeepers. If we are called upon to fight in a war to keep the peace, then we must answer that call."

Master Yoda continued as if they used the same mind. "Understand this, Nahdar did. Act according to our laws, he did also. Learn this from you, he has."

"I understand," Nodding along as they talk. "Yet I am still troubled, why Masters?"

"Has to do with your teaching, this does not. Rather, your attachment to the boy is at question." Master Yoda points out.

"My attachment?" I say confused.

"Yes." Master Yoda goes the giggle thing.

"Perhaps your attachment to him was more than just a teacher and his student. Perhaps you looked at it as a father and his son."

I couldn't tell if Master Windu was saying it as a question or an accusation. Either way, I looked down, speechless from the truth in his statement.

"You kept your emotions in check though, you didn't let them guide your choices the way Nahdar did. For that, you are to be commended."

I look up at Master Windu's face, he has a look of approval on it that I've never actually seen before, only heard through rumors.

Master Yoda nodded along with him. "Yes, difficult the relationship is, between a Jedi and his padawan. Not the only one to have difficulty with this, you are." Master Yoda stands on his wobbly feet. It reminds me that though he is aging, his is still the most powerful Jedi in existence. "A fine member of the council, you make one day." Without waiting for my response, he walks out of the room leaving me speechless.

"Keep following the ways of the force, it will guide you on the correct path." Master Windu admonishes me. He follows Master Yoda out of the room leaving me feeling unworthy of their assessment of me.

Though I've always felt I didn't deserve much of the things I've had in my life, I was always willing to do whatever was asked of me. I tried to teach my Padawan that lesson but I don't think he ever truly understood. Perhaps he could never understand, that it was just beyond his capacity. I'm sure I'm not the only Master who has felt this way about their padawan.

I'm sure at some point in the lives of the force sensitive, we all have to make the Confessions of a Jedi Master.

 ** _-000-_**

 **It's always sad when a fic ends, but some endings are nessesary. Again, if you guys are interested in reading more, I've got a few fics you might like so check out my profile. Thank you for reading this far and leave a review if there was something you liked, something you hated, whatever it is just let me know!**

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